Me and my walk

In my previous post I described that I went for a walk. My mind has pressured to me to discuss more about that walk and to share some of the experience. So in tribute to my mind which refused to leave me alone, here is more about that walk.

I walked through trees both old and young. I walked among trees fallen in what may have been an age past.

I stood on the side of a mountain.

I watched mist filter through trees and rocks.

I felt fresh rain fall on my skin. I stood among trees where I branches and leaves were so thick, the only rain I felt on my skin had been filtered through those branches and leaves.

I stopped to watch water falling gently over rocks, down hillsides, and through the path it had carved on its way off of the mountain.

In the bottom of the forest floor, darkness falls complete while twilight still reigns in the skies above. Lanterns and firelight cannot penetrate the darkness winding among the trees. Visions of glowing eyes enter the mind unbidden.

In the walk, in a time alone with only the native animals and the trees for company, I spoke out to God. I asked for help. I confessed my failings. I opened up about the anger and hurt which have consumed me. I sought his aid. I heard no answer. I turned to return to my point of origin. The path back looked so different than the path in. I lost my way. I was turned around without the aid of compass or other signs of the direction I needed to go.

I spoke to God of my anger and frustration. Why, after I had opened up, was I now lost in this forest? Help was a short distance away and I had the means to signal them. Maybe I was stubborn, because I chose not to send that signal. I knew when darkness would arrive. I gave myself time to get out of my circumstance. A specific time that would also allow help to get to me before darkness fell if it came to that point. I did not stop talking to God of my anger and frustration. I laid it out. The answer I got back was to rely on myself and find my way out of what I had gotten myself into.

I kept better track of my landmarks. I learned where I was. I found my way back to a spot I recognized on the path into the forest when I first started this day’s walk. I heard familiar noises. I went that direction even though my senses told me it was not the way I came in. In minutes I was in sight of my starting point. I was free in the forest. No matter how many more times I walked, I did not get lost.

God sent me the message to rely on myself and to get myself out of the mess I had gotten into. Through the course of this blog I have discussed my emotional turmoil of messes I have gone through. At this point I cannot rely on God, the Universe, or any other celestial bodies to aid me. It is on my shoulders to navigate out of the mess. And so I will.

I recognize there are some whom I would destroy if I had the means to do so. I would leave them without reputation, without wealth, and without family if it were in my power to do so. As far as I am concerned, it is what they have earned. I consider them without redemption. Time may someday change me and I won’t care. We will see, but for now I have life that I have to live and deal with.

I took the picture above from a friend (with permission). He said it was taken under natural light without flash or any other aid. I should ask sometime how it is that the wood looks blue.